This comes just a few days after AML awareness day...
It’s been a whole year since I got the call from my doctor, with the worst news of my life. Three words I had been waiting to hear for months. “You have cancer”. Everything about it seemed surreal, it couldn’t possibly be true. I was going to a concert that weekend. I just started nursing school. I was young and healthy. I couldn’t have cancer, I did yoga and meditated. I ate my vegetables, I didn’t smoke cigarettes. I was a hippie child who had given up wearing deodorant, and made my own lotions and soaps so I didn’t put chemicals on my body. How could this happen to me? I was sick for months and saw so many doctors, and nobody could pin point what was wrong with me. I thought I was going crazy, even the Nurse Practitioner thought I was crazy when I told her I thought I had cancer. I kept hoping that I would get better, and thought maybe I was just having a bout of mono, or something else random. The thing is, cancer doesn’t care who you are, it can happen to anyone. I always thought of cancer as an old person disease, or something that happened to people that didn’t take care of their body. I see people posting online about how cancer can’t thrive in an alkaline body, or that 5g is causing cancer. But for me, that wasn’t true at all. I had several genetic mutations, and I would have likely gotten cancer at some point in my life, if not then. At the time, none of it seemed fair. I look back now and I see that cancer isn’t fair for any one who has it. No one deserves to go through such a life altering moment. But it happens, and you have to make the best of it. AML has a 5 year survival rate of around 25%. I realize that I am incredibly lucky that I am still here, when things could have gone much differently. I think of what it might be like if I had been diagnosed today, instead of last year. I think about how crazy it would be to be going through treatment while we are experiencing a huge crisis with Covid 19. I can’t imagine what it would be like worrying about not only being sick from chemo, but the possibility of getting sick with Covid. I feel so deeply for patients in treatment right now. Patients that can’t see their family members, because it is too risky. Patients that can’t get their surgeries because they aren’t deemed necessary. It is truly unfair for everyone, and I hope that everyone can get through this as best as they can. Right now, we are going through one of the biggest crisis’ of our lifetime. It is scary, and deeply upsetting for everyone. Things are changing so radically, and it can be very hard to deal with these changes. It is important for us to take things one day at a time, and know that everyone is doing the best they can. I believe in social distancing, but I also believe in being there for people close to you, now more than ever. Call up your old friends and ask them how they’re doing. Call your grandparents and tell them you love them. Be kind to the people you see at the grocery store. Tip people well when you go to pickup curbside or order delivery. Open your heart to everyone in the world right now, as we are all greatly affected. It will be very tough, but I do believe we will get through this. Please also consider joining the registry at bethematch.com. You can now sign up and receive a swab test kit right in the comfort of your own home. There is a chance you may never be called as a match, but if you are called- you can save someone’s life! The process is not as complicated as it sounds, and is similar to donating plasma or other blood products. My brother had his bone marrow cells transfused out of him in about 4 hours and worked the entire time. You can be someone’s hero! Stay happy and healthy friends :)
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Time is a funny concept. It is the only thing that we can never have enough of. There are weeks that pass by like months, days that last forever, and nights with loved ones that seem like they will never end. It isn’t until you are told that time may stop, or shorten, that you realize to be grateful for what you have.
It has been more than four months since I’ve received my stem cell transplant. I thought this process would be easier. I thought by now I would be dying to get back to work, and would feel back to normal. But it’s still a challenge. I recently gained a lot of weight in a short period of time, mainly due to medication, and it’s been really hard. My hair is finally starting to grow out but it’s very patchy. I’ve never felt more self conscious in my life. I remember when I used to look in the mirror and loved what I saw. Now I get sad thinking that it’s going to take a long time for me to get back to where I was. But I know this feeling will pass. I will get back to a normal weight, my hair will grow out, and I will find a way to love myself again. I have all the time I need. On average it can take a full year to recover from a stem cell transplant It can take 4 to 6 months before your hair starts to grow in I am giving myself this time of contemplation to decide my next move in life. I was so insistent on becoming a nurse and now I have a strict aversion from my time in the hospital, I will have to switch careers again. I am waiting for something that feels right to me, as I still see myself in a role helping people. I know now more than ever, I will find a way to get through this rough patch. Time is everything to me, and I’m glad I’ve got more of it. As I tiptoed through the oncology halls on my last night in the hospital, I couldn’t help but feel blessed. Peeping into other patients room, I can see that some are not as well off as me. Patients on ventilators, feeding tubes, needing help for every interaction. I was lucky, without an IV pole I could slowly walk at my own pace without much help. Although my time in the hospital was hard, I was incredibly grateful to have a staff that cared very much about my health and well being. I was feeling grateful for the nurses who distracted me by talking about tacos when my port was bleeding out. For the night nurse who would hold my hand and tell me stories when I couldn’t sleep at night. For the health techs who helped me on my worst days. For my incredible oncologist- who never stopped believing in me. Most importantly all my family and friends who came to visit and support and love me through one of the hardest times of my life.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make about having a stem cell transplant. At first, I did not want to do it. There are a variety of risks and factors that can come with having a stem cell transplant. Most specifically, Graft versus host disease (GvHD). During GvHD, the body’s white cells recognize the new stem cells as foreign, and attacks them. This can lead to a variety of problems, including: damage to the liver, skin, or GI tract. All this sounded so scary, I wasn’t sure it was worth it. I thought that I would rather live my life out as it played than risk these major issues. Plus, at a 100 day recovery period, I thought it would be impossible to weather through. However, was I doing myself a disservice? It was clear the cancer would keep coming back without the stem cell transplant. At 27, it was a decision I never thought I would have to face. I contemplated my entire life for several days over what I should do. Thankfully, after much discussion with my oncologist I decided that the transplant would be in my best interest. I couldn’t throw my life away over a rough period and other possibilities. It was the best decision I ever made. So on September 11, 2019, I had my stem cell transplant. I was lucky to have my older brother as a donor and things were looking up. I am currently at day 40 of recovery, and feeling better every day. I could not be more supportive of the donation process, which everyone should look in to. Bethematch.com has lots of great information about stem cell donation. According to their website: Every three minutes, one person is diagnosed with a blood cancer. Every 10 minutes, someone dies from a blood cancer. That’s more than six people each hour, or 148 people each day. Patients are searching for a cure. It could be you. Please consider joining the registry and you can help save someone’s life!! If you know anyone who has had chemo before, you have probably heard how awful it is. I want to be upfront with my experience so I can help other people who might find themselves in a similar situation. Chemo takes everything away from you. Your appetite, your hair, your ability to think straight, even sometimes- your dignity. After two rounds of chemo I lost 20 pounds, and my will power. Constant nausea and vomiting was not kind to me. Losing my hair was even tougher. There came the day when I touched my hair and it fell out in chunks. I knew it was time to shave it, as it would be easier to manage. But, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. As my mom shaved my head, I could see all my beauty fade. My hair was something so important to me, it was literally who I was, part of my identity. Seeing all the hair on the floor brought me to tears. It was a harsh reality of what I should have come to expect, but it was not easy by any means. Then there was one day when my chemo bag spilled open. Since chemo drugs are toxic, the nurse had to come in gowned up, with people from chemical control to make sure the agent was contained. Meanwhile, I had to have the nurse help me in the shower to make sure I was clean enough. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. While chemo can cure, it leaves you wounded in ways you can’t imagine. Although I’m grateful that I am still here, I would never wish this on my worst enemy.
Tomorrow will be a day of marked beginnings, my stem cell transplant day. In the hospital, day zero starts what will be the next process of your life. After more than 5 months of battling acute myeloid leukemia, my older brother’s stem cells will be used to treat me. I am both nervous and excited. My nurse has just left my room, after sitting with me for close to an hour, being a listening ear while I reflected on this moment...
At 27, no one expects their life to be interrupted by a cancer diagnosis, yet that’s exactly what happened to me. At the time, I was in nursing school, and working a job at the hospital that I loved. I was confident in the direction I was going, and was eager to finish school and start my new career. Until, I suddenly started feeling sick. Going from work to school, I slowly felt a deep fatigue creeping up. I was losing weight, and finding it harder to concentrate in class. I attributed this to returning to school as an adult, but it only continued to progress. Until one one day in class, I got really ill and thought I was going to pass out. I remember the teacher excusing me from class as she stated that it would be wrong for her as a nurse to not send me home to the doctor. I later found myself sitting in the office of a Nurse Practitioner, waiting anxiously for some answers. Our conversation went like this: Nurse: So, what brings you in today? Me: I know this is going to sound crazy, but I just started nursing school and I haven’t been feeling very well. I’m pretty certain I have leukemia, because I have a lot of the symptoms: night sweats, fatigue, loss of appetite and loss of weight. Nurse: Well it sounds to me like you’re having a bit of anxiety about being back to school. Are you struggling with an eating disorder ? Me: This sn’t intentional weight loss. I also think it’s more than just anxiety. Nurse: Well, why don’t I get you the name of a counselor who might better be able to help you today. And so, left with a recommendation to seek a counselor, but with a sinking feeling that something else was wrong. Fast forward a month later, where I am once again waiting to talk to a doctor. I came in with a horrible sore throat, worse than anything I had ever imagined in my life. The doctor took some labs and told me that he would call me tomorrow with the results... Beeep, beeep, beeeeep!! I am startled awake by the most obnoxious beeping sound ever, obviously my alarm clock; purposely meant to be loud & obnoxious to get my butt out of bed. As I reach for my phone, I glance out the window and see that it's still dark out. I look at the time: 4:30 am.
I think to myself, "why oh why do I have to get out of bed?". I could technically set my alarm for 45 minutes later and still have enough time to do the bare minimum before I have to leave for work. However, I should really work out, and the dog needs to be taken care of anyways, so I might as well take him with me on the workout. But, my bed is so comfy. There's a cool morning breeze coming in thru the window and I could easily fall back asleep. I glance at the dog on the floor beside me. My moving has woken him up, but he glances at me with a very sleepy look on his face that says, 'why the heck are we getting up now?' I close my eyes again, and with a deep breath, reach up for a nice stretch and know what I'm going to do. As I peel back the covers I know it's not what I want to be doing right now, rather what I need to be doing. I know that enjoying a half hour of silence before the rest of the world wakes up is exactly what I need to start off the day on the right foot. That after a quick run, and some yoga in the park while the sun comes up, that I will feel more refreshed than I feel at the current moment. I know that although I could have chosen to stay in bed, the first decision I make in the morning sets the tone for the day. Do I want to start my day doing what's most comfortable, not challenging and easier? Or do I want to start the day with a head start, challenging myself to go even harder than I did the day before? I'll choose the latter! Maybe not every day, but definitely today! We have all had days like this. There's also at least one day a week, that I do set the alarm and fall back asleep. Everyone needs a break now and then. For the most part however, I know that by getting out of bed I am doing myself more favors than not. So do yourself a favor tomorrow, and set your alarm a little bit earlier than usual. Get out of bed and go for that long run you've been putting off for so long. I can guarantee that you will feel better the entire day! A cup of hot coffee, or your sweetie making you breakfast... what helps you get out of bed early in the morning? Our world is constantly filled with every day stressors that can wreck havoc on your health. Whether it's working in a highly competitive job, or telling your child 'no' for the hundredth time, we all know what stress feels like. A little tightness in the shoulders, leading up to a pounding headache. And now it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you are wide awake, thinking about every thing you have to accomplish that day.
While stress does have some importance in our life, it is important to have a routine to minimize negative stress (distress) as much as possible. Or rather, trying to switch our state of distress to one of eustress, simply by changing the response we have to certain stressors. The reason it is so important to reduce this type of stress is because of the detrimental effects it has on your health. Stress raises level of cortisol in the body, which directly impacts an increase of fat; leading to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Is it worth putting ourselves in stressful situations when we know it can literally take years off our lives? I think not. So what can we do to help alleviate stress and transfer it into positive energy? I :like to follow the '4 A's' of stress management:
Each tactic can be used in different situations.
What a better way to practice stress management than finding ideal relaxation methods! By scheduling time every day to relax, you are increasing the likelihood of having a positive reaction when stress does occur. I try to find time every morning to do one of the following:
Think about a time that you felt stressful and have used one of the 4 A's of stress management. I want to hear how you overcame that situation! What are some ways you like to relax? Every fall, I get a craving for pumpkin. And well, who doesn't? Now that it's November, fall is in full force. Pumpkin coffee, pumpkin beer, and pumpkin cookies galore!
Since teaching cooking classes, I have become a lot more aware of different food allergies. I have numerous students with nut, dairy and gluten allergies,. This means I always have to be on the lookout for possible allergens, and ways to eliminate them in the classroom.. But fear not, even if you have allergies you can still indulge in these pumpkin cookies! This recipe, like most I make, is easily adaptable for food allergies. This is one of my favorite recipes for dairy free tasters, as the pumpkin can act as a binder rather than an egg. I also swap butter for coconut oil, which gives these cookies a slight coconut taste as well. I have completely rid my life of white sugar, however I LOVE maple syrup. It is slightly lower on the glycemic index, meaning it won't elevate your blood sugar as much as white sugar. Sugar is still sugar however, which is why I limit my recipes to 1/2 cup, while most recipes call for an entire cup of sugar. While not the healthiest things in the world I still feel less guilty eating one or maybe three cookies. If you choose to use dairy free chocolate chips the entire recipe is dairy free, otherwise you can omit the chocolate chips. Adding the flaxseed meal gives you a little boost of fiber and healthy fats while slightly thickening the texture. These cookies came out slightly crispy on the bottom and soft and chewy on the inside, just the way I like them! Happy Hump Day to all the Love Crystals out there!
Have you ever wondered why you haven't lost weight, even while on a 'strict' diet? Well, it is quite possible that you are missing out on a crucial element to weight loss, one which can help you lose 50% more weight... I will be the very first person to tell you my biggest secret... I love my food journal! I remember the first nutrition class I took in college and we had to keep a food journal for five days. I'll be completely honest: it was an eye opener! We really do not think about what we put in our mouths (both food and beverage) each day, until we write it down. I thought I was eating healthfully enough and knew that while my diet wasn't perfect, it was at least okay. Until I started to realize that while it was good that I was eating so many vegetables day to day, there was still one day a week when I would eat an ungodly amount of cookies and pure crap. Usually, the next day I would also feel like crap. As I wrote in my journal every day, I begin to look at it a different way. The journaling wasn't always about what I ate, a lot of times it was more about what I was feeling; before I ate, while I ate, and especially how I felt after I ate. Statistics show that keeping a daily food log can double your weight loss results, compared to journaling just once a week, or not at all. Ultimately, if you want to be successful in weight loss, it is absolutely crucial to keep a food journal. I don't mean pulling it out after every meal trying to remember exactly what you consumed. This is something that you should be carrying around with you at all times, so you aren't relying on your memory. I also think it is especially important to document how you are feeling at that exact moment. Even before you take your first bite, really think. Are you eating because you are truly hungry? Or are you feeling sad, or hurt, or even angry? Next, assess how you feel as you are eating. Are you feeling a sense of satiety? Are you feeling thankful for the food in front of you? Are you savoring every delectable bite? Or are you feeling a sense of failure that you are eating every cookie in the box? Or maybe shameful because of the food you are eating? Finally, after you are completing eating. How do you feel now? Do you feel satisfied that you have eaten a complete meal full of essential nutrients needed to thrive? Or rather, do you feel unsatisfied realizing that what you may have eaten may not have been the most nourishing option? It is questions like these that will allow us to clearly see our relationship with food. As a race, we need food to not only survive, but to thrive in our environment. What we need is more vegetables and fruits in our diets, and less processed food by products. We need to understand why our feelings may drive us to reach for crappy food, and learn to control those impulses. I truly believe that if we are more careful in assessing our underlying feelings pertaining to our eating habits, we can solve a lot of our unhealthy habits. If we can learn to love and appreciate ourselves no matter what mishaps occur in life, we will be able to channel our emotions into more positive outlets. If we learn to choose foods that will nourish our minds, bodies and souls, we will be both healthy and happy. Do you have moments where you might fall into the vicious cycle of emotional eating? Let me help you keep yourself accountable to healthy patterns by scheduling a call with me below! |
JennaDedicated to helping you realize your full potential. Spreading smiles and love everywhere I go. Archives
September 2016
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